I can't help but repeat this in my mind.. you're never given more than you can handle.
Seriously? Is that true?
-I've had many trials in my life. Some of them are clear & some of them only I know about.
-all I had ever dreamt of as a child was having a big family & driving a mini van. I have always loved kids. I clearly remember my aunts laughing that I was going to be the mini van mom. But, I have a tahoe! Close enough. Lol.
-my oldest son Daymon faces challenges every. Single. Day.. I wish so bad that I could see things from his point of view, see what triggers him, see first hand of how challenging day to day is for him. Maybe then I'd be able to help him even more. Better yet, figure it out the first time.
The therapist told me that I need to grieve..
For the loss of my dad but also the loss of my childhood dream. I have beat myself up over & over & over. What could I have done different? Better? Try harder...?
Grieve that this is LIFE! sometimes, when you have a dream so strong, & it happens but also comes with a lot of different challenges, paths, & obstacles that I never knew existed as a child, grieving will allow me to accept, move on & quit punishing myself for something that is out of my control.
I love Daymon with everything I have. Every piece of me loves that kid. That is why I have to do what is right for him & for myself. To be able to stand by him for the rest of our lives & guide him, give him reassurance that each day is a new day. That he will ALWAYS have someone to turn to. To be there for him.
It's harder than people imagine. I used to be "that mom" in the store. The one that thought someone had horrible parenting skills. I used to think, "id whoop that kids ass if they were mine", or, my kid will never act like that. Well, I'm THAT MOM! & please, don't be so quick to judge. You have no idea what people are going through! There's days I leave my house and I know I look like hell. But, that's the best I could do for that day.
♡
