A little of myself♡

Happiness is the new me!♡

Today I was thinking of how much I enjoy smiling. I used to cry while I'd be vacuuming the house. I would be doing my makeup & just start crying which made it absolutely pointless to even put makeup on. Id be scrubbing dishes and just stand there bawling. Doing my grocery shopping at the store & stroll around with tears down my face. That was me. I've been there. 

I keep telling myself, "I've got this!" and I do! I have enjoyed my life so much the past month. It has been so stressful but so enjoyable at the same time! I know I'm a strong woman, I like a challenge.. when life is that challenge, I just want to strive to make it the best life possible. Especially for my four boys and i.

^^I was scrolling through good ol Facebook and saw this quote. It pulled at my heart strings. This must mean that aside from my own heart, I have a lot of love to give! My boys are a handful. They are amazing. Their attitudes are sometimes terrible & they back talk like none other. But their hearts are ginormous & I know that they're just trying to figure this life out along the side of me. I'm an adult & I still get confused, frustrated & sad at certain situations. I couldn't imagine being such little guys and going through all my kiddos have went through and been aside adjusting to. I sure do have some amazing young men in my life & they're my world!🌎

We went to the Sandhill in Goshen today. 

Meet Nellie, my donkey that I got as a little kid. She is 25 years young!!! I have so many childhood memories with her & it felt so amazing watching my boys play with her along the side of me! I used to ride her all over but these boys were too chicken! We had a fire with the tumbleweeds & just enjoyed the evening together!♡

I'm a selfie whore. If you've been around me very long, we probably have several selfies together. Life is too short to not take pictures to keep your memories alive for others.. and yourself along this journey of life! I absolutely LOVE taking pictures & always will. 

I've done a lot better lately. But there's still moments throughout the day that I battle with myself to not give up. I want to so badly. I just want to throw my hands in the air and be done. I want to be the perfect mother. I would give so much to be able to love and be loved. But I'm scared. My heart is still repairing.. I need time. But I've been broken for sooo long I am beyond excited to be happy, loved, cherished & have the life I deserve. To be able to give back to someone all that they deserve. I know this day will come. Not today. Probably not tomorrow. Maybe not this month. Possibly not this year, but it will soon enough. 

I cant. I have to keep going. Even if they don't seem like they do or even if I don't feel like they do- these boys need their momma. I want to live. Damn it to hell I want to LIVE!!! & I mean enjoy life. Smile. Laugh until my guts hurt. 

♡I have came this far. If you're unhappy, sad, lonely, anything I want each & every one of you to know that I AM HERE!!! I beg you... please do not ever ever ever feel as if you're alone. You can call me. Text me. Message me. FaceTime.. anything! I was so lonely inside. I was lonely on the outside. I want to help you if you feel this way. It may not seem like much but a listening ear with a completely open heart helps more than you probably think!!!

-Much love!!!♡

Jordan Elaine