Emotionally. Mentally. Physically- EXHAUSTED!

So, I'm sure you all know me.

I pretend to know what I'm doing.. I try my hardest & have been giving this life my best shot. But here we are again... exhausted!

-My mind is chaos 

-My heart is still in broken pieces 

-The lump in my throat isn't going away

-My stomach is turning all day 

-Once again, I'm holding back the tears.

Meet Daymon. He is my oldest son & is 9 years old! He's my sidekick, trouble maker, lover, everything you could ever feel in life- it seems like this boy experiences it daIly.

☆HE STRUGGLES, 

I STRUGGLE, 

WE STRUGGLE!☆

I hope & pray that this blog will some how-  some way make its way to another family going through something similar. I know we're not alone.. but damn it, it sure does feel like it!!!

♡Do you know about ODD? 

Does someone you know suffer from it?

Daymon does..

& because of this sweet boys challenges, I suffer from it, his siblings do, we ALL do.

-please tell me I'm not the only psycho mother out there that feels terrible giving 4 different medications 3x a day to my child. I fight myself with this a lot! & I beat myself up constantly that I have to "drug" my son so that he can try to live a some what normal life.. then I get these stupid, random changes of heart that think he will be just fine without medicine. For the first while he is!!! He's great! He has his personality back, his sense of humor, he can talk, joke around & play like a "normal" kid. Then boooom, all hell breaks loose and everything is out of control. & guess what? I get to take the brunt of it ALL cuz I'm the one that had this amazing idea to let my child see this beautiful, messed up world medication free!

 Why, why, why!?

Parenting is hard. Being a mom is hard. I so badly want to throw my hands up in the air and be done. I quit. I finally give up, I want to be done. But for some reason, some how- I keep going. I know my reasons & I know my how's, I just wish others could understand my perspective. 

I GUESS I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF OF THIS MORE.

I'm trying. I want to fight this mental illness along the side of my oldest baby. I want him to ENJOY life. 

His anger has been out of control again. It is at the worst peak we've probably ever dealt with in our home. & definitely the worst its been at school. Back to the counselors, psychiatrists and doctors we go... 

& with all that has been going on in my life.. I'm a mess. 

I absolutely love to smile. I vowed to myself to get ready every single day and I have. I laugh til my cheeks & sides hurt.. so why does life have to be so confusing? Why does my heart have to hurt so bad.  I haven't been to counseling as an adult, but guess what!? This chick is going!! & I am excited. I can't wait for some relief.. 

Xoxo

Jordan Elaine